There's a fly in my soup

There Ain't No Place I'd Rather Be

2011-05-30T07:35:00.001-07:00

We visited Tennessee with our friends Candace and Steven at the end of April. Part of a pilgrimage to various Civil War battlefields over the next four years' sesquicentennial. Well, actually, that's MY effort. I had wanted to visit Shiloh since as long as I could remember. The wife and friends just wanted to see Tennessee, Memphis, Nashville, etc. The trip included a visit to Steven's Tennessee relatives, and it was also a bit of a food pilgrimage to places like Gus's Fried Chicken. but more on that later.

We rented an RV from Martin RV in Lititz, PA. Well, actually it's closer to Brickerville on the 28th Division Highway but they have a Lititz mailing address. Word to the wise, if you live within 50 miles and are looking to rent an RV, call them and get a quote when you shop around, because they were cordial, flexible and up to HALF the cost of other places that quoted us. And there no nickel and dime charges for everything. We picked up our 31 foot C Class on Good Friday afternoon, loaded it with essential marching rations (chips, beer and booze), and headed west on the PA turnpike, then south on 81 along the old Valley Turnpike through the Shenandoah.

There are a lot of ideas about the etymology of "Shenandoah," but my favorite is "Daughter of the Stars." Although there were no stars that first night, because it rained and rained all the way to Staunton, Virginia. That first night we slept in the parking lot of a Welcome Center. The idling diesel engines and the occasional shriek of air brakes did little to keep this weary traveller awake and considering it was free . . .

Back in the Blogoshpere

2010-09-16T08:26:00.000-07:00

What a shame that Rod Blagojovich didn't think to copyright "blogosphere." He'd have a lot more money to pay all those pesky legal bills.

Well it's been a very very long time, 7 months actually! But as the west winds carry the crisp scent of autumn to our noses and the leaves begin to turn, I feel the welcome return of my favorite time of the year. And so I too have returned, if only to make a few pecks at the keyboard.

Let's see, where to begin? Well, Brett Favre is still color blind. The GOP is still a cynical collection of douche bags and the average American voter has an attention span as short as his memory. Oh, and my birthday is coming up. We're going to a fantastic Szechaun (more properly, Sichaun MORE properly 四川 ) BYO restaurant Han Dynasty. I never thought I'd eat Chinese outside Chinatown, but this place is awesome. Tasty, authentic, dial-a-heat food served by a helpful owner (and ex-porn star). If you're nice, the owner may even pour you a complimentary shot of Baijiu, which I discovered is the Chinese word for drain cleaner.

In other news, my wife and I Visited Paris in May. So I guess I can drone on about that. In summary, the food was wonderful and could be had at manageable prices. I found that with simple courtesy and an effort to speak a little French (mine is at the high school freshman level, right where I left it) Parisians are accommodating and not rude at all. They are, however, slobs. They seem to relish littering their fair city, as if to say "Bien sûr, nous merde où l'on mange! Jaloux?" Of course I expect this lack of civic pride stems at least in part from the need to create make work for legions of northwest African street cleaners who rise before dawn to sweep away the detritus of locals and tourists alike.

Later . . . some more details, but for now, enjoy the view

Dat Gumbo Gon Be Good I Guar-ahn-tee!

2010-02-17T07:28:00.000-08:00

So who doesn't love a nice bowl of gumbo at this Mardi Gras time of year? This one's fairly easy and yummy. The biggest pain in the ass is making the fish stock and straining those fishy bones. But you can use clam juice, chicken broth, or some combination of these, instead. Just be careful with clam juice, it's mighty salty.

For 6

4 tbsp butter or lard
4 tbsp all purpose flour
2 medium onions, diced
4 celery stalks, diced
2 green peppers, diced
4 cloves of garlic, crushed and chopped
1/3 pound okra, thinly sliced
one small bunch thyme, tied in a bundle
cayenne pepper to taste (my taste is 1 tsp)
1 tsp ground cumin
1 tsp paprika
1/2 lb andouille sausage, or any spicy pork sausage will do, pre-cooked and sliced thin
1 lb crab claw meat, picked over
1/2 lb lump crab meat, picked over
1 lb (+/-) of peeled and deveined shrimp (21-25 count are a nice size and you should have 5 or 6 shrimp per person)
3 quarts fish stock *
white wine
cooked plain white rice

Make the roux. This is a critical step, so don't rush it or walk off to watch TV or masturbate. Masturbate before you start cooking. Gently heat the fat and flour and STIR REGULARLY until it smells nutty and turns a nice brown color. This could take 20 minutes or more. DO NOT BURN. If it burns, it's unrecoverable. Curse your fate and start over.

Once the roux is where you want it, add the onions, celery, garlic and all but a 1/2 cup of the peppers. Lower heat and sweat the vegetables until softened. Add the cayenne and cumin and stir for 30 seconds.

Turn up the heat, add a cup of wine, the fish stock, and water if you used reduced fish cubes (see below). Bring to a boil. Add the thyme bundle, sausage, claw meat and okra and cook over medium heat for 30 minutes to an hour. You want the crab claw meat to shred up and the okra to thicken the gumbo but for its snottiness to cook out a little. Taste for salt and pepper.

Next, toss the shrimp with some salt and the paprika. Saute on high heat for a minute on each side. Take out of the pan and reserve. Deglaze the pan with more wine and add to the gumbo pot. At this point, you can remove the thyme bundle.

When ready to serve, add the cooked shrimp, the rest of the diced peppers and the lump crab meat and heat through. Stir gently so you don't break up the lump crab meat too much. Put a nice pile of rice into warm serving bowls and generously ladle gumbo over the top. Serve with hot sauce and beer.

* fish stock is easy, just ask your fishmonger for a few pounds of fish bones and heads. No need to be too choosy, as long as they are FRESH and WHITEFISH. Don't use salmon, mackerel, etc. Cut the bones into pieces that fit in your stockpot, add mirepoix and half dry white wine and half cold water to cover. Bring to a simmer, DON'T BOIL, skim, and cook for an hour. Strain well and use in gumbo. For long term storage, reduce and freeze in ice cube trays, de-tray and store in freezer bags.

The Gunslinger shoots his own foot off . . . AGAIN

2010-01-25T06:36:00.000-08:00

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

There will be plenty of ink, real and digital, spilled dissecting Brett Favre's boneheaded play last night---you know, the one where he was running around having fun like a kid on a sandlot and throwing the ball to the wrong colored jersey---so I don't want to beat a dead horse.

Who am I kidding? I want to beat it into horse tartare with a flail tank, then dress it in purple, douse it in kerosene and light a match.

In August I published this post, which read in part:

"Today we hear of another re-re-re-un-re-un-retirement by Brett Fah-vre. So he found a way to skip camp AND start for an NFL franchise. How nice. I won't be burning my number 4 Jersey. But let's just say I'll enjoy no small amount of schadenfreude when the Vi-Queens' season ends on a Favre interception that the guy selling lutefisk in the parking lot saw coming. "

Substitute "gumbo" for "lutefisk" and I suppose I was right on the money. And of course now I just might burn the jersey. But perhaps that's unfair.

I occurred to me that Brett is like George Lucas. He gave us one great season, and one almost great season (Star Wars and Empire). He then stumbled and bumbled through some embarrassing seasons that were entertaining, but that I could have done without (Return of the Jedi). We missed him when he went to the Jets but really didn't care much and generally wished him well (the years between Part VI and Part I). But then in a quest for more money and stats that he didn't need, and fame he didn't quite deserve, he betrayed us. He went and took a giant shit on all we held dear. (Phantom Menace, etc.). But do we really hate George Lucas for all that? Or do we try to forget and remember the good times? Well, in 4's case, his wetting the bed on national TV . . . again . . . kinda makes it easier. I watched his post game comments with no small amount of schadenfreude. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a tiny, a very very tiny, bit of pity as he stood there bruised, limping and exhausted. Why, Brett? Why? Was this Jar Jar Binks of a season worth it?

On a more statistical note, I wonder if the folks at Elias Sports Bureau can tell us the record for quarterbacks whose last throw of the season was an interception. In the meantime, the Trolls at http://www.coldhardfootballfacts.com/ have a swell feature on the last decade of Brett Favre's heartbreakers. So check it out.

Eating the Three Sisters

2010-01-22T08:08:00.000-08:00

No you degenerates, not polycunnilingus. But just as tasty! Read on.

Oh Golly, I've been so very lazy these past few months. What with the World Series (fuck that sack of gerbil dicks in the Bronx), Christmas Dinner (Sicilian and tasty, thank you), the NFL Playoffs (fuck my life) and general winter ennui; I have not posted since September. If anyone actually were to read this stuff I suppose an apology would be in order. In any event half of Conan O'Brien's tenure on The Tonight Show is far too long, and so, on with it . . .

The following is vegetarian, and can be vegan if you omit the cheese and broth. However, I hope any vegan reading this goes out and commits seppuku with a long, sharp burdock root.

It represents the great triumvirate of the Western Hemisphere: maize (you call it corn), beans and squash. They compliment each other in the field and were usually planted together by the . . . um . . . what do we call the Indians now? Let's just call them completely fucked over. And no, they didn't bury fish in the fields as fertilizer!

But I digress.

To quote http://www.reneesgarden.com/

"Corn provides a natural pole for bean vines to climb. Beans fix nitrogen on their roots, improving the overall fertility of the plot by providing nitrogen to the following years corn. Bean vines also help stabilize the corn plants, making them less vulnerable to blowing over in the wind. Shallow-rooted squash vines become a living mulch, shading emerging weeds and preventing soil moisture from evaporating, thereby improving the overall crops chances of survival in dry years. Spiny squash plants also help discourage predators from approaching the corn and beans. The large amount of crop residue from this planting combination can be incorporated back into the mound at the end of the season, to build up the organic matter in the soil and improve its structure."

And coincidentally---or perhaps not---the play well together on the plate too!

Beans and Zucchini Hominy Casserole for 2

Beans
1/3 lb of dried red kidney beans or pinto beans, soaked at least 8 hours
1 medium yellow onion, diced
1 small bunch cilantro (as much as you like) stems and all, minced
2 poblano peppers (bell pepper can be substituted, as can hotter chilies like Anaheim for the more adventurous)
2 teaspoons vegetable oil
2 tablespoons grated queso fresco (yes, Monterrey Jack is fine, too) to garnish

Roast the poblano peppers until charred on top of a gas stove. Seal in a plastic bag for ten minutes and peel. Stem, seed, slice thinly and reserve. You can also roast under the broiler, but the results are never as good; or you can skip the roasting altogether.

Saute the onions and most of the cilantro, reserving a bit for garnish. When just starting to brown, add beans and water to cover by an inch (the soaking water is fine).

Simmer for an hour or until beans are done. Season with salt and pepper about halfway through the cooking. Add hot water as needed, OR chili soaking water from recipe below. If there's still too much liquid when the beans are done, turn heat to high and stir until the excess cooks off. Stir in the roasted peppers and keep beans warm.

Squash and Hominy Casserole

3 small, 2 medium, or 1 big zucchini, about 1 1/2 pounds
2 dried guajillo (redundant, I know) chilies
1 cup chicken broth
1 15.5 oz can Goya white hominy, drained
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
2 tablespoons grated queso fresco (again, Monterrey Jack will do)

Toast the chilies in a hot, dry skillet BUT DO NOT BURN. Remove and soak in some boiling water for at least 30 minutes.

Dice the zucchini into 1/2 inch pieces. Then stem, seed, and finely chop the chilies. Wash hands thoroughly afterwards or wear gloves!

Heat a medium skillet over high heat, add oil and zucchini and saute. Stir occaisionally, but not constantly so they get bown and crusty.

Add the chilies and hominy, toss, and stir in the broth. Cook on high until slightly thickened. Season with salt and pepper

Place into individual baking dishes or a small casserole. Top with cheese and broil until cheese starts to brown (queso fresco doesn't actually melt).

Garnish the beans with the reserved cilantro and cheese, and serve everything hot with warm corn tortillas. Ole!

Some cheese on your sandwich?

2009-09-14T12:23:00.000-07:00

Pack 21 Bears 15.

I don't want to rub this in too much---who am I kidding? Of course I do---but at one point last night Jay Cutler had a 2.8 passer rating . . . you saw correctly: TWO POINT EIGHT, TWO AND EIGHT TENTHS. And Kyle Orton you ask, his season rating is just north of 100, and he won---albeit against the bad-luck Bungles. Rex hasn't played in the regular season yet, but after the country ass-whuppin the Jets put on Houston QB Matt Schaub, we may have data on this end too.

Not to belabor the point, but seeing Mr. "I'm here to beat Green Bay " Smith and his shiny new toy Cutler eat big shit sandwiches was a great way to start the season. Go Pack Go.

Also, did anyone else notice during the broadcast that 10-2 was the halftime score of, like, 2 other games in league history?

Bon Voyage Fredo

2009-08-26T06:26:00.000-07:00

Plenty of people may note the similarity between the Kennedys and the Corleones. Except in this case, it was Fredo who survived. First we have the towering, megalith of a father who made a killing running booze. Next we have the he-man oldest brother: Joe Jr./Sonny. Of course JFK and Michael were both the sharp-dressing, iron-willed natural leaders. And Bobby and Tom Hagen were both consumate lawyers and fixers. That leaves Fredo (Ted) who everyone thought paled in comparison to his brothers and, maybe because of that, drank and talked a bit too much for his own good.

But Freddy turned out OK, and in many ways ended up doing more for the Republic than all the others combined. Except, of course, dying in the line of duty.

So lets ignore the cowardly, shit bag, skirt-wearing wankers in Scotland for a moment all raise a glass (or twelve) of Chivas and soda and say "Go n-éirí an bóthar leat"

Also, if you've never been to Locke Ober in Boston, go on your next visit. The old school decor is matched by great old school food. Like the JFK Lobster Stew, a fave of the brothers K. I've made it at home and it's delicious. Have a bowl in memory of the "dream [that] will never die."

For an extra special presentation, try topping it with puff pastry à la Bocuse (Stop bitching and translate). Just make the recipe below but let the final product cool. Then ladle into bowls---footed French soup bowls work best---, top with the pasty and bake. I've served it this way (and the original truffle soup, as well) and it was VERY well received.

This recipe is from Saveur #12 and serves 6:

Maine Lobster stew has been on the menu at Locke-Ober for generations and was a favorite of John Fitzgerald Kennedy’s. Lydia Shire renamed the preparation in his honor. The stew is very rich—but Shire likes to gild the lily by adding an extra pat of butter just before serving.

6 each 1 pound live Maine lobsters
Salt, as needed
14 Tablespoons butter, softened
1 cup medium-dry or cream sherry
6 cups milk
2 cups heavy cream
1 pinch cayenne
1-2 pinches paprika
To taste, salt and freshly ground black pepper
½ teaspoon fresh lemon juice
2 springs parsley, leaves only, cut into thin strips

Plunge the lobsters into a large pot of boiling salted water over high heat and boil until just cooked through, about 4 minutes. Transfer lobsters to a large bowl of ice water to prevent them from cooking any longer, and keep them submerged until completely cool. Drain lobsters; separate tails and claws from bodies, setting bodies aside. Crack shells and remove the meat from the tails and claws, reserving tail shells. Cut the lobster meat into large pieces and set aside in the refrigerator.

Melt 8 Tablespoons of butter in a large, wide heavy-bottomed pot over medium-high heat. Add lobster bodies and tail shells and cook, turning often, until shells turn deep red, 5-8 minutes. Add sherry and boil for 2 minutes, then add milk and cream and return to a boil. Reduce heat to medium-low and simmer, stirring often, until milk and cream reduce by one-quarter and thickens slightly, 20-25 minutes. Add cayenne, paprika, and season to taste with salt and pepper. Remove pot from heat, set this milk infusion aside to cool, cover, and refrigerate overnight.

The following day, strain milk infusion into another medium pot, discarding solids, and bring just to a simmer over medium heat.

Meanwhile, melt 4 Tablespoons of butter in a large skillet over medium heat. Add lobster meat and heat until warmed through, 3-5 minutes, and then add to milk infusion in pot. Add lemon juice and adjust seasonings. Divide stew between 6 warm bowls, add some of the remaining 2 Tablespoons butter to each bowl, and garnish with parsley.

Purple Poopie Eater

2009-08-18T10:58:00.000-07:00

Today we hear of another re-re-re-un-re-un-retirement by Brett Fah-vre. So he found a way to skip camp AND start for an NFL franchise. How nice. I won't be burning my number 4 Jersey. But let's just say I'll enjoy no small amount of schadenfreude when the Vi-Queens' season ends on a Favre interception that the guy selling lutefisk in the parking lot saw coming. Now that Brett has the chance to lose in the dome not once, but eight times a year (he's something like 4 for 14 in case you wondered) it's hard to feel anything but pity for the guy.

Kornheiser, wherever you are, a jock awaits your care!

The fine fellows at The Cold Hard Football Facts call Brett Old Yeller, as in the dog who needs to finally be put out of his misery. I guess Brett had better steer clear of Michael Vick!

La Belle Cuisine

2009-08-05T06:46:00.001-07:00

So people are asking me if I am going to see Julie and Julia. They ask because they know I'm a J.C. fanatic. How big a fanatic? Let's just say that I happily admit that she inspired me to cook, that I can scarcely think of her without weeping, and that as far as "cuisine" in America is concerned (and with due regards to James Beard), it's Julia's world and we all just live in it.

I don't plan to go. Why not? Well, I know myself and I know that spending 123 minutes watching Meryl Streep channel the great Miss C. in a naked attempt to win an Academy Award will be unbearable.

I might have been able to tolerate it but for the fact that since 2004 when Cate Blanchett got an Oscar for playing Kate Hepburn WAY TOO MANY actors have been getting statues for doing impersonations. Don't believe me? Well this list is just winners since 2004. Cate Blanchett, Jamie Fox, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Reese Witherspoon, Forest Whitaker, Helen Mirren, Marion Cotillard and Sean Penn. Nominations such as Joaquin Phoenix's for spelling Johnny Cash---and whose recent impersonation of the Unibomber also merits consideration---aren't included. If Rich Little doesn't get an honorary Oscar this year, he should fucking sue!

Anyway, the movie is eminently rentable. Instead, I highly recommend Julia's memoir My Life in France.

This reminds me, I haven't yet gone into many details on the food I loved on our May trip to the Bay Area. So in a French State of mind, I lead off with Restaurant Jeanne d'Arc. If you like old-school charm and real French country food, this is the place. Just walking by, my restaurant radar buzzed to life. I fondly recall the bean soup, the lamb shank, a first rate soufflé for dessert (sauce poured in tableside), and a nice bottle of Loire red for under $30! We even had a short, plump, balding French waier for Chrissakes. And since it's just a few steps from the Powell cable car line, any visitor should make it a point to visit this place when in San Francisco.

Bon appétit

There's a Thin Line Between Love and Hate

2009-08-04T10:21:00.001-07:00

Beware women scorned boys, or you may end up with . . . wait for it . . . your penis glued to your stomach. Now, a bit of industrial adhesive seems cruel, especially coupled with being bound and taunted by these four hotties. But it could have been worse. Somewhere John Wayne Bobbitt is screaming "what the fuck is this guy so upset about?" Anyway, it makes me think about the yummy and spicy garlic sausage with lentils I enjoyed recently. So lets' all take a turn for the wurst, shall we?

No, I'm not going to go into all the details of sausage making, although I do make my own and did make the garlic sausage referenced above. Interested parties can find information on how to do it here, or by getting a hold of this excellent book.
And by the way, making your own sausage is a great way to use up all kinds of trimmings and leftovers from the big pork roasts, family packs, and whole beef tenderloins you buy to save two to twelve dollars per pound!

I will tell you what the ingredients were, and then it's up to you. Of course you can buy delightful sausage (and casings too) at Fiorella's Sausage, 817 Christian St in Philadelphia.‎

I used 2 1/2 pounds of thawed meat scraps from the freezer. These included: beef sirloin and the "chain" from a beef tenderloin, raw pork belly (skinned), and pork loin and shoulder scraps.

I added a half pound of pork back fat (also skinned) to bring the fat level up to approximately two thirds lean, one third fat. Some of the scraps were fairly fatty already. Use your judgment; it ain't rocket science! All the meat was cut into small cubes, chilled to almost freezing and ground in the Kitchen Aid grinder attachment. It was then mixed well with seasonings (see below) and left overnight in the refrigerator. Next day, stuff away!

The meat was seasoned with 1 tbsp of coarsely ground black pepper, 2 large and finely minced garlic cloves, 1 tbsp paprika (smoked would work), and 2 tsp of fresh hot peppers whizzed up into a paste with olive oil. Pepper flakes would also do, and if you like it hot, then go crazy!

I also added one ounce of Morton's Tender Quick. Regular salt is fine, BUT BY WEIGHT, PLEASE. Tender Quick has additives to keep the sausage pink and if you wanna get serious about sausage, you'll need it.

I like to cook my sausage right on the oven rack at 325 degrees, with a rimmed baking pan on the rack below to catch drippings. Golden brown should be achieved in about half an hour.

On to the lentils, which by the way are extraordinarily good for you. And made with a bit of care, pretty friggin' yummy!

For four eaters you'll need 2 pounds of uncooked sausage to start with. Then:
Sauté a minced onion and two or three minced celery stalks in olive oil in a medium pot. When they're soft, cook 2 minced garlic cloves for 30 seconds. Then add a cup and a half of lentils and stir around with the oil and vegetables. Next, add a half cup of broth (vegetable if necessary, but it won't be as good) and add water to cover the lentils. Season with salt and pepper and bring to a boil. Cover and simmer for 30 minutes or so.

This would be a good time to get the sausage cooking.

Test for doneness and seasoning. If there's still too much liquid, raise the heat and cook it off. When done stir in LOTS of chopped fresh Italian parsley and serve as a bed for your yummy sausages.

Wash it down with a nice Côtes du Rhône and have a vinegary green salad after. Magnifique

Great Philadelphia Produce

2009-07-30T07:34:00.000-07:00

A recipe of mine was listed in today's newsletter for Iovine Brother's Produce at Philadelphia's Reading Terminal Market. This is a great place to get fruits and veggies, nuts, snacks, wheat grass for the cats (only maniacs actually eat it themselves), you name it. It's crowded, but that just means that the merchandise is moving, and shoving elderly women in the spine to get the best tomato is part of the fun!

Regular sale updates are tweeted here: http://twitter.com/iovinebrothers

For those skyscraper types who want something farther west, there's always Sue's Produce Market at 114 South 18th Street, just south of Chestnut. They carry Sarcone's bread, raw milk, AND they are right across the street from DiBruno Brothers. Makes a nice "what's for dinner tonight?" two-fer in Center City.

Campsite Cookery

2009-07-16T09:15:00.001-07:00

My lovely wife and two longtime friends of ours recently went camping at the picturesque and fun-filled Shawnee State Park in central PA.

My friend loves her propane stove, but I prefer to rough it and cook over the coals. This chili was a crowd pleaser, and will work on a stove indoors for all you tenderfoots. Or is it tenderfeet?

I do recommend a proper, cast iron, footed dutch oven for this recipe. And you'll need some way to keep your dutch oven above the coals; a movable grill grate to place over the fire will work best. But any old grate can make do. Just keep in mind that you will need to access the fire and also to relocate things that you're cooking and keeping warm in relation to that fire.

This could serve 6, but 4 is safer because people WILL want seconds.

Start with some charcoal (you have a chimney starter, right?) and then add hard wood pieces get a good fire going.

When everything is ashed over, place your dutch oven over the fire (do not preheat) and add 4 strips of bacon, chopped up.

Once the bacon renders and starts to crisp, remove it and let sit on the oven lid near the fire to discourage hungry flies and critters.

Now start cooking 3 lbs of beef chuck, cut into 1 -1 1/2 inch pieces. Do this in batches and brown well. As each batch is done, remove the pieces of beef to the grate but don't let them sit right over the flames.

When the beef is done add 2 big chopped onions and some salt, and cook until they soften.

Now add chili powder, as much as you like (I like at least 3 tbsp for this amount of meat). What kind you ask? Here's mine: Toast 2 ancho chilies (dried poblanos) and 3 dried guajillo chilies in a pan. Don't burn! Add them to a blender with 1 1/2 tbsp cumin, 1 tbsp garlic powder (not salt) and 2 tsp dried oregano and whizz very thoroughly. Always allow the powder to settle before taking the lid off and looking in or . . . well . . . you'll find out, dumb ass.

Cook the chili powder with the onions for a minute, then put back the beef and the bacon bits, add one 28 ounce can of crushed tomatoes (I like Sclafani, if you can find them) and enough water---or broth if this is a particularly luxurious camp site---to just come level with the meat.

Now cover the dutch oven and place it right in the coals. Now you know what those little feet are for! Add a few coals on top of the lid. Now you know what that lip on the lid is for! Now leave it to its own devices for a spell. One important note: you do not want a raging inferno here. That will boil the chili too hard and toughen the meat. Nor do you want just dying embers. A nice even simmer and coals that will peter out over the next 2 - 3 hours is what you're looking for (a 300 degree oven works indoors).

At the end of that time, open the lid, admire the deep mahogany liquid and tissue-tender meat. Taste for salt and maybe even a bit more chili powder.

Serve up bowls of red and graciously accept the thanks of you camp mates. You are now a first-rate chuck master, pardner!

Postscript: Fans of chili and presidential history should check this recipe out

IS HE REALLY LECTURING ON GOD'S LAW?

2009-06-24T15:48:00.000-07:00

"God's law is there to save you from yourself?" Really? I thought it was there to justify killing brown people and a flat tax!

Talk about fucking chutzpah. Someone really needs to do a study and see how many Democrats vs Republicans fuck around on their wives.

Mark Sanford, let me quote Fred Sanford

"YOU DUMMY"

Bonus: "Go GameCocks!"

Hypocritical Entertainment Douchebags

2009-06-24T06:33:00.000-07:00

Think what you will of Michael Moore (and I happen to think he's swell), but at least he's taking a stand with the people of Iran. His website is chock-a-block with images, quotes and links to the struggle, as well as advice and information on getting involved.

Bob Geldof also has a website: http://www.bobgeldof.info/ Now you'd think that it would be pasted top to bottom with his usual self-righteous screeds against oppression, but the big headline is "Does Bob Know It's Christmas December dates announced for Norway " Dunno, Bobby, did you know that Iranians are being tortured and shot down in the streets? I smell a music video!

This is what is so maddening about SOME (not all, e.g. Sean Penn) of these people. If the victims aren't people of color, or if the perpetrator isn't a white, European/North American government or business, it all too often escapes their notice. I imagine the Dalai Lama must be quite the salesman to get their knickers in such a twist, because I doubt Richard Gere could tell a Tibetan from a Uighur with Lou Gossett Jr. screaming the answer in his ear.

Beware of celebrities gobbling up photo ops and news inches on the backs of starving children. And doing a poor job these days, I say. Iran after all is definitely the flavor of the month. And the American attention span can't hold up forever.

A Second Amendment Argument for Progressives

2009-06-23T06:59:00.000-07:00

To all my fellow lefties:

Next time your knee jerks in a discussion of the right to bear arms, turn on the news, watch the footage from Iran, and imagine how well Basiji thuggery might work on an armed populace.

Hunting traditions, public militia vs individual right, the tragedy of a 6 year old shooting a playmate, all are incidental to the central issue of the public's need for a last line of defense against tyranny.

No need to run off to the woods, apply camo face paint and start stockpiling ammunition. No need, either, to resist commonsense gun regulations. But just pause and consider how far a government can really go in oppressing its citizens in a nation with an estimated 223 million privately-owned firearms.

C'mon guys, take this opportunity to find common ground with the right wing nut jobs.

June 17th is also Eat Your Vegetables Day

2009-06-17T12:44:00.000-07:00

See all the fun shit you can learn here?

Try this:

Halve a nice, firm, plump eggplant lengthwise, take a thin slice off the outside (so they will sit still) and remove the flesh with a spoon, leaving about a quarter inch wall intact. Then pop them into a 350 degree oven on a rimmed baking sheet, open side up while you . . .

Chop the flesh into nice chunks and saute in olive oil with a pinch of salt. Add chopped sweet onions and bell peppers. A few minutes later add garlic, wait 30 seconds, and add fresh tomatoes grated on a box grater, or some canned Italian peeled tomatoes crushed by hand.

Cook down till all is bubbly and thickened, then season with salt and pepper and whatever herbs you like (I like parsley, oregano and basil for this, fresh if possible).

When the eggplant shells are cooked and beginning to soften, take out and fill with the stuff you just made. top with a robust cheese like this, grated or shredded, and breadcrumbs, drizzle with more olive oil and broil until the top is brown and crusty.

Eat with a cheap red wine and lots of bread. Mom would be proud!

Happy Watergate Day!

2009-06-17T12:34:00.000-07:00

Did you send all your Republican friends and enemies a card?

How quickly we forget how thoroughly evil the Republican Party is until they spend 5 or 10 years cocking up the country (and much of the world at large). Then it's up to the Democrats, like girlfriends after a frat party, to start the thankless job of cleaning up the mess and explaining the noise and piss-puddles to the neighbors. All the while the Grand Old Pricks holler "extremism, irresponsibility," and their favorite slander"socialism" from the benches! As if the staying the course is a possibility once we all reach the edge of the cliff to which the Republicans have pushed us.

If anyone has a special place in hell, Bill-O, it's Dick Nixon. Hope he saved a space for that other Republican Dick, whose death is as inevitable as it is excruciatingly slow in coming.

Cheers

Attention Mixologists

2009-05-20T12:34:00.000-07:00

Well, the first big thing I'll mention about about San Francisco is that there's a huge cocktail movement going on. New ideas and re-vamped classics made with premium ingredients are all over the place. And any town whose tradition of drinking Fernet Branca extends beyond geriatric Italian men knows something about booze that most drinkers out there can’t begin to fathom.

You may have heard of a speakeasy called Bourbon & Branch, and if you live in the Bay area, you most certainly have. Well it's worth learning the password and checking it out. As long as you don't expect to order a drink every five minutes. Their approach to drink making is, shall we say, deliberate.

I'd also recommend a trip to Farallon Restaurant. The food is wildly overpriced even for SF (so much so I never tried it), but the drinks are creative, polished and very VERY tasty. And if you're lucky enough to get Craig behind the bar, he's a wealth of information on the local scene.

A very good referral Craig gave us was Heaven's Dog. It’s a bright, high-ceilinged, colorful bar, with great smells wafting in from what looked to be a very talented noodle kitchen just a few feet away. Alas, we arrived too late for victuals. I particularly enjoyed the Bumble Bee cocktail.

Both these places had PISCO on the menu, and used EGG WHITES in the drinks. "Impetuous . . . Homeric!"

Heaven's Dog is also where we met a pioneer in cocktails, the charming Jennifer Colliau and her luscious line of hand made, small batch cocktail ingredients. And now you too can possess them, juts visit: http://smallhandfoods.com/ Yum.

Much more to come.

New Search Engine, But Not Exactly

2009-05-19T09:06:00.000-07:00

Somewhere between Wikipedia and Google, lies this new engine that, instead of diercting you to links, actually tries to compute an answer to a specific question based on its own store of data. It's a work in progress, but it includes nifty charts, graphs, and other visual aids.

Try it: http://www96.wolframalpha.com/

Boy, the GOP can still still get the press to carry its jock now and then, huh?

2009-05-18T13:44:00.000-07:00

Holy Fucking Dogshit!

Let me see if I get this straight:

President Cheney's cabal and that coke-addled tool bag he sent out on fundraising and brush-clearing trips lied, prevaricated, concealed, tortured, conspired to wage aggressive war, committed war crimes; took a giant dump on international law, the US constitution, numerous treaties, and the morals so unambiguously espoused by aforesaid tool bag's "favorite philosopher," and the blame lands on . . . wait for it . . . Nancy Pelosi.

Enough already!

Nancy, some advice, at the next press conference, just say this: "It seems to me that all you fine ladies and gentlemen of the fourth estate were bamboozled enough by the Bushistas' lies to beat the drums to war, so before you ask me what I heard in classified briefings SIX FUCKING YEARS AGO that I could not BY LAW discuss in public, take a look in the mirror!"

San Fran was great. More on that later.

Roast Chicken

2009-05-07T13:04:00.000-07:00

OK, everybody from the divine Miss C. to Thomas Keller has suggested trussing poultry for roasting.

Chickenshit, I say.

Sure, nothing is as pretty as a lovely, browned bird with demurely folded legs pressed against the breast meat like a push-up bra. But we are EATING it, right?

Trussing (like Bugs Bunny "dressing" chickens in mini tuxedoes in "Forward March Hare" http://www.jogyjogy.com/watch.php?id=19b8e) is a maddening waste of time and twine. And most of the chefs who recommend it should know better.

Why, Gomez? Why should we ignore the admonishments of the men in white toques?

Glad you asked. What is the biggest problem with roasting whole birds? That's right, dark meat and white meat don't cook evenly. And why? First, the dark meat is denser, with more bone and connective tissue. Second, the leg, especially the thigh, isn't as exposed to the heat as the breast, and no amount of flipping, beer canning, basting, etc. can do anything about it.

So why dear readers, WHY would you insist on complicating matters by tying the leg meat tight against the body and reducing further the heat that can reach it. Not only will the breast get done well before the meat in the groin (or armpit, or whatever you call it), but the skin in this area will not, CAN NOT get crisp. Instead it will hit the table with the consistency of a recently sponged and shaved geriatric scrotum, and at about the same temperature!

To add dumb to dumber, trussing further closes off the cavity (it goes without saying you haven't fucking stuffed it, right?) preventing heat from reaching this cavernous night club of salmonella.

And of course, there's the added ten minutes fumbling around the now thoroughly infected counter: spraying chicken blood into the baby food, covering the scissors with schmaltz, and shooing away the cat who looks up at you with that "dude, precisely what the fuck are you trying to accomplish?" look on its face. Meanwhile, you strive in vain to follow the written instructions (there's never a step-by-Goddamn-step illustration, is there?) on how to truss your bird "quickly and easily, with only one length of string"

One piece of string my ass. Unless you're Alain-friggin'-Ducasse himself, forget it. Ten lengths of twine later, your bird looks like something from a bondage-freak rooster's private jerk-off collection. And just try getting that web of string off the finished bird without burning a fingertip and ripping of half the skin!

My suggestion? PRACTICE dear readers. Times and techniques vary with ovens, birds, etc. But do it without string! Let the legs spread free to brown and crisp and cook through! A well-roasted chicken is the single best way to separate the serious cook from the FoodTV tool bags of this world. Have courage and persist! And when you can consistently pull a nice fryer for two out of the oven with juicy meat and crisp skin you will know you've arrived.

(hint: start the bird in a hot pan on top of the stove back side down, or under the broiler back side up, cuz the backs a mother, too!)

Next time? Well, I’ll be off to San Francisco next week, and plan to eat my way through it. Perhaps a report will be in order.

2009-05-06T20:14:00.000-07:00

Another useless, mentally masturbative message in a bottle is hurled over the gunwale with the rest of the effluent. Let's see if it washes ashore anywhere.

To business:

Mission Statement

I like good food, potent booze, foul language, and being a general pain in the ass. I also like to hold forth on just about everything. I despise right wing nut jobs only slightly more than vegetarians and hippies; and yes, I will be commenting on food, booze, current events, or even past events. Oh, and the Packers and Phillies, too.

Anyway, like most of us, I'm just here to talk shit to people who can't actually throw a drink in my face or give me the beating I so richly deserve. I guess mostly I'll just ramble on . . . kinda like this. How novel.

Me:

Read on and learn

Next time:

Thoughts on roast chicken