Back in the Blogoshpere

What a shame that Rod Blagojovich didn't think to copyright "blogosphere." He'd have a lot more money to pay all those pesky legal bills.

Well it's been a very very long time, 7 months actually! But as the west winds carry the crisp scent of autumn to our noses and the leaves begin to turn, I feel the welcome return of my favorite time of the year. And so I too have returned, if only to make a few pecks at the keyboard.

Let's see, where to begin? Well, Brett Favre is still color blind. The GOP is still a cynical collection of DBs and the average American voter has an attention span as short as his memory. Oh, and my birthday is coming up. We're going to a fantastic Szechaun (more properly, Sichaun MORE properly 四川 ) BYO restaurant Han Dynasty. I never thought I'd eat Chinese outside Chinatown, but this place is awesome. Tasty, authentic, dial-a-heat food served by a helpful owner (and ex-porn star). If you're nice, the owner may even pour you a complimentary shot of Baijiu, which I discovered is the Chinese word for drain cleaner.

In other news, my wife and I Visited Paris in May. So I guess I can drone on about that. In summary, the food was wonderful and could be had at manageable prices. I found that with simple courtesy and an effort to speak a little French (mine is at the high school freshman level, right where I left it) Parisians are accommodating and not rude at all. They are, however, slobs. They seem to relish littering their fair city, as if to say "Bien sûr, nous merde où l'on mange! Jaloux?" Of course I expect this lack of civic pride stems at least in part from the need to create make work for legions of immigrant street cleaners who rise before dawn to sweep away the detritus of locals and tourists alike.

Later . . . some more details, but for now, enjoy the view

Dat Gumbo Gon Be Good I Guar-ahn-tee!

So who doesn't love a nice bowl of gumbo at this Mardi Gras time of year? This one's fairly easy and yummy. The biggest pain in the ass is making the fish stock and straining those fishy bones. But you can use clam juice, chicken broth, or some combination of these, instead. Just be careful with clam juice, it's mighty salty.

For 6

4 tbsp butter or lard
4 tbsp all purpose flour
2 medium onions, diced
4 celery stalks, diced
2 green peppers, diced
4 cloves of garlic, crushed and chopped
1/3 pound okra, thinly sliced
one small bunch thyme, tied in a bundle
cayenne pepper to taste (my taste is 1 tsp)
1 tsp ground cumin
1 tsp paprika
1/2 lb andouille sausage, or any spicy pork sausage will do, pre-cooked and sliced thin
1 lb crab claw meat, picked over
1/2 lb lump crab meat, picked over
1 lb (+/-) of peeled and deveined shrimp (21-25 count are a nice size and you should have 5 or 6 shrimp per person)
3 quarts fish stock *
white wine
cooked plain white rice

Make the roux. This is a critical step, so don't rush it or walk off to watch TV or masturbate. Masturbate before you start cooking. Gently heat the fat and flour and STIR REGULARLY until it smells nutty and turns a nice brown color. This could take 20 minutes or more. DO NOT BURN. If it burns, it's unrecoverable. Curse your fate and start over.

Once the roux is where you want it, add the onions, celery, garlic and all but a 1/2 cup of the peppers. Lower heat and sweat the vegetables until softened. Add the cayenne and cumin and stir for 30 seconds.

Turn up the heat, add a cup of wine, the fish stock, and water if you used reduced fish cubes (see below). Bring to a boil. Add the thyme bundle, sausage, claw meat and okra and cook over medium heat for 30 minutes to an hour. You want the crab claw meat to shred up and the okra to thicken the gumbo but for its snottiness to cook out a little. Taste for salt and pepper.

Next, toss the shrimp with some salt and the paprika. Saute on high heat for a minute on each side. Take out of the pan and reserve. Deglaze the pan with more wine and add to the gumbo pot. At this point, you can remove the thyme bundle.

When ready to serve, add the cooked shrimp, the rest of the diced peppers and the lump crab meat and heat through. Stir gently so you don't break up the lump crab meat too much. Put a nice pile of rice into warm serving bowls and generously ladle gumbo over the top. Serve with hot sauce and beer.



* fish stock is easy, just ask your fishmonger for a few pounds of fish bones and heads. No need to be too choosy, as long as they are FRESH and WHITEFISH. Don't use salmon, mackerel, etc. Cut the bones into pieces that fit in your stockpot, add mirepoix and half dry white wine and half cold water to cover. Bring to a simmer, DON'T BOIL, skim, and cook for an hour. Strain well and use in gumbo. For long term storage, reduce and freeze in ice cube trays, de-tray and store in freezer bags.

The Gunslinger shoots his own foot off . . . AGAIN

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

There will be plenty of ink, real and digital, spilled dissecting Brett Favre's boneheaded play last night---you know, the one where he was running around having fun like a kid on a sandlot and throwing the ball to the wrong colored jersey---so I don't want to beat a dead horse.

Who am I kidding? I want to beat it into horse tartare with a flail tank, then dress it in purple, douse it in kerosene and light a match.

In August I published this post, which read in part:

"Today we hear of another re-re-re-un-re-un-retirement by Brett Fah-vre. So he found a way to skip camp AND start for an NFL franchise. How nice. I won't be burning my number 4 Jersey. But let's just say I'll enjoy no small amount of schadenfreude when the Vi-Queens' season ends on a Favre interception that the guy selling lutefisk in the parking lot saw coming. "

Substitute "gumbo" for "lutefisk" and I suppose I was right on the money. And of course now I just might burn the jersey. But perhaps that's unfair.

I occurred to me that Brett is like George Lucas. He gave us one great season, and one almost great season (Star Wars and Empire). He then stumbled and bumbled through some embarrassing seasons that were entertaining, but that I could have done without (Return of the Jedi). We missed him when he went to the Jets but really didn't care much and generally wished him well (the years between Part VI and Part I). But then in a quest for more money and stats that he didn't need, and fame he didn't quite deserve, he betrayed us. He went and took a giant shit on all we held dear. (Phantom Menace, etc.). But do we really hate George Lucas for all that? Or do we try to forget and remember the good times? Well, in 4's case, his wetting the bed on national TV . . . again . . . kinda makes it easier. I watched his post game comments with no small amount of schadenfreude. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a tiny, a very very tiny, bit of pity as he stood there bruised, limping and exhausted. Why, Brett? Why? Was this Jar Jar Binks of a season worth it?

On a more statistical note, I wonder if the folks at Elias Sports Bureau can tell us the record for quarterbacks whose last throw of the season was an interception. In the meantime, the Trolls at http://www.coldhardfootballfacts.com/ have a swell feature on the last decade of Brett Favre's heartbreakers. So check it out.

Eating the Three Sisters

No you degenerates, not polycunnilingus. But just as tasty! Read on.

Oh Golly, I've been so very lazy these past few months. What with the World Series (fuck that sack of gerbil dicks in the Bronx), Christmas Dinner (Sicilian and tasty, thank you), the NFL Playoffs (fuck my life) and general winter ennui; I have not posted since September. If anyone actually were to read this stuff I suppose an apology would be in order. In any event half of Conan O'Brien's tenure on The Tonight Show is far too long, and so, on with it . . .

The following is vegetarian, and can be vegan if you omit the cheese and broth. However, I hope any vegan reading this goes out and commits seppuku with a long, sharp burdock root.

It represents the great triumvirate of the Western Hemisphere: maize (you call it corn), beans and squash. They compliment each other in the field and were usually planted together by the . . . um . . . what do we call the Indians now? Let's just call them completely fucked over. And no, they didn't bury fish in the fields as fertilizer!

But I digress.

To quote http://www.reneesgarden.com/

"Corn provides a natural pole for bean vines to climb. Beans fix nitrogen on their roots, improving the overall fertility of the plot by providing nitrogen to the following years corn. Bean vines also help stabilize the corn plants, making them less vulnerable to blowing over in the wind. Shallow-rooted squash vines become a living mulch, shading emerging weeds and preventing soil moisture from evaporating, thereby improving the overall crops chances of survival in dry years. Spiny squash plants also help discourage predators from approaching the corn and beans. The large amount of crop residue from this planting combination can be incorporated back into the mound at the end of the season, to build up the organic matter in the soil and improve its structure."

And coincidentally---or perhaps not---the play well together on the plate too!

Beans and Zucchini Hominy Casserole for 2

Beans
1/3 lb of dried red kidney beans or pinto beans, soaked at least 8 hours
1 medium yellow onion, diced
1 small bunch cilantro (as much as you like) stems and all, minced
2 poblano peppers (bell pepper can be substituted, as can hotter chilies like Anaheim for the more adventurous)
2 teaspoons vegetable oil
2 tablespoons grated queso fresco (yes, Monterrey Jack is fine, too) to garnish

Roast the poblano peppers until charred on top of a gas stove. Seal in a plastic bag for ten minutes and peel. Stem, seed, slice thinly and reserve. You can also roast under the broiler, but the results are never as good; or you can skip the roasting altogether.

Saute the onions and most of the cilantro, reserving a bit for garnish. When just starting to brown, add beans and water to cover by an inch (the soaking water is fine).

Simmer for an hour or until beans are done. Season with salt and pepper about halfway through the cooking. Add hot water as needed, OR chili soaking water from recipe below. If there's still too much liquid when the beans are done, turn heat to high and stir until the excess cooks off. Stir in the roasted peppers and keep beans warm.

Squash and Hominy Casserole

3 small, 2 medium, or 1 big zucchini, about 1 1/2 pounds
2 dried guajillo (redundant, I know) chilies
1 cup chicken broth
1 15.5 oz can Goya white hominy, drained
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
2 tablespoons grated queso fresco (again, Monterrey Jack will do)

Toast the chilies in a hot, dry skillet BUT DO NOT BURN. Remove and soak in some boiling water for at least 30 minutes.

Dice the zucchini into 1/2 inch pieces. Then stem, seed, and finely chop the chilies. Wash hands thoroughly afterwards or wear gloves!

Heat a medium skillet over high heat, add oil and zucchini and saute. Stir occaisionally, but not constantly so they get bown and crusty.

Add the chilies and hominy, toss, and stir in the broth. Cook on high until slightly thickened. Season with salt and pepper

Place into individual baking dishes or a small casserole. Top with cheese and broil until cheese starts to brown (queso fresco doesn't actually melt).

Garnish the beans with the reserved cilantro and cheese, and serve everything hot with warm corn tortillas. Ole!